As Jesus leaves Jericho, a blind man named Bartimaeus shouts above the crowd and is brought forward. Before doing anything, Jesus asks: “What do you want me to do for you?”

Wait. Jesus could see the man’s condition. He knew what he needed. But he asked anyway. He invited Bartimaeus to name his own need, in his own words, before the conversation went any further.

Asking, rather than assuming, is at the heart of what makes a coaching conversation different from an ordinary one.

Coaching is intentional. It’s not just a chat.

Every coaching conversation works toward something. And that something is determined at the beginning, not by the coach, but by the person being coached.

This is where well-meaning leaders stumble. They care deeply, so they move quickly to help. But moving quickly past the opening often means addressing something other than what the coachee actually needs.

What does beginning a coaching conversation look like?

It’s a short dialogue, five minutes or so, that surfaces what’s really going on before the conversation moves deeper.

1. Begin by asking: Where would you like to focus our conversation today? Which usually draws out a story. 
2. Invite them underneath the story: What’s the question you’re asking yourself here? 
3. Draw out what’s personally at stake: What does this situation surface in you? 
4. Help them aim the conversation: What would you like to have settled by the end of our time?
5. Invite them to name the territory to explore: What key elements need to be explored to get there?

Without launching into advice or solutions, you’ve surfaced the real topic, the underlying need, the personal stakes, the desired outcome, and the key tensions.

That’s not small talk. That’s skilled work.

Why agreement on the goal matters.

When coachees choose the direction, they’re engaged. The goal they named is their goal, keeping ownership with them. It also gives you a reference point as the coach to maintain relevance. When the conversation drifts, you can gently ask: We said you wanted to settle X by the end of our time. Is this still taking us there?

Jesus didn’t skip the question because he already knew the answer. He asked it because Bartimaeus needed to answer it. The conversation that followed was his.

Your coaching conversations can work the same way.

The ability to start a coaching conversation well is something you build through practice and feedback. Our ICF-accredited coaching training equips you to do exactly that. If you’re ready to go deeper, explore the upcoming courses here.

In coaching, why is important. Why the client wants to achieve that. Why they reacted the way they did. Understanding why helps the client to change. As important as why is, I rarely use the word “why” in a question. Why? I’ll tell you.

Coaching is recommended as an essential set of skills for managers, leaders, and of course, professional coaches (smile) because it provides personalized learning. However, even with artful listening and powerful questions our conversations can be irrelevant to the person we coach. There’s an easy way to make coaching relevant. I’ll show you how. 

Not long ago, I was thinking of purchasing a car for my teenagers. When I mentioned it to a friend, he coached me around how to get my kids to pay for it so they could learn financial responsibility. In the case of this car, however, money wasn’t my issue. My issue was

Despite the popularity of brainstorming in meetings, sharing ideas doesn’t often lead to a creative discussion. Asking questions does. Here’s a technique to turn your good ideas into great questions.

Leaders, coaches, mentors, parents, and consultants all like their own ideas. “If people would listen to me and do what I said,” we think, “things would get a lot better around here.” The trouble is, everyone else is thinking similar thoughts regarding their own ideas.

Ideas have their place. As a leader, you may have

Innovation is driven by questions not answers. Questions send people on a journey. But not all questions and journeys are equal. Many questions rehash old territory, only confirming something can’t be done. While other questions expose assumptions, unlock creativity, and focus on how it can be done. Here’s how to ask questions for innovation.

A nonprofit organization came to me to help them with their managers who knew how to get things done, but weren’t developing people along the way. Employees felt used and uncared for by these managers. Employee turnover was high. Many simply moved on to other organizations that provided more personal and professional development.

5 Ways To Ask Questions For Innovation

Let me illustrate how to ask Innovation Questions using my work with the nonprofit above as an example. I’ll tell you what I did, then share each point.